From 30k Feet

OK, It has been months since my last blog entry. I'll just be straight forward. I wasn't feeling it. And I'm still not certain I am. But here goes nothing. I am sitting on SouthWest flight at about 30,000 feet overlooking the Rockies. I just finally opened my eyes after trying to sleep for the last 2 and a half hours. Yes, trying. I feel asleep hard and FAST. Those are two words that often times go well together...when referring to sleep, they are wonderful. It isn't often I am able to fall asleep so quickly. But having only 2.5 hours of sleep last night I was a goner. Unfortunately, I was unaware at how quickly I'd knock out and ordered an Orange Juice with the stewardess walked by 5 minutes earlier. The gentleman sitting to my left, was kind enough to wake me from my slumber. Needless to say, I never really feel back into a good stage of sleep.

Let's back up a bit....to this cattle-call they refer to as SouthWest Airlines. Is the 3 group boarding thing really a more effective way for them to board their aircrafts? I learned a little trick after bitching to one of my customers a few months back. And the trick with southwest is.....ALWAYS CHECK IN ONLY EXACTLY 24 HOURS IN ADVANCE TO YOUR FLIGHT. This will assure you a boarding pass A. Boarding Pass A I can handle. I'll sit back and wait for everyone in that boarding group to herd through the gate....and then i leisurely make my way past all of the pour souls in B, find my seat and go into ignore mode. (There is nothing worse than having to talk to the person you're sitting next to.)

Now lets discuss my comfort level right now. On a Scale from 1 to Uncomfortable I'm easily at an 8. I am not sure how I'm going to last on my trip to Brasil. I believe a blue bippity (an advanced Norma Jean) and a few cocktails will have to be induced to help me sleep the majority of the trip away. I can't talk about the person sitting next to me as I feel he can see my screen. But Minerva. A nice guy I can tell....but again...MINERVA. I didn't notice until after I fastened my seatbelt....but i've got an extremely young asian girl sitting directly in front of me. This should have been observed as I eyed my seat but I was just excited about the window seat and didn't observe my surroundings. Miraculously, this is the most well behaved child on the face of the planet. GOD BLESS THE ASIAN CULTURE FOR RAISING WELL BEHAVED CHILDREN!!!! And damn God for infecting the woman behind me with a severe case of the whopping cough. I swear she's leaning forward and coughing directly in my ear. "Why don't you just PEE directly on my FACE??" Thank God for iTunes. I have been cranking music ever since her 2nd attack. Lastly, I chose to wore the most uncomfortable pear of blue jeans possible. My underwear are shoved so far up my ass that I'm about to choke on them. I have a 3rd degree burn from the severe chaffing going on in the genital region. I'd stand up and pull them out of my ass but i'm sorta pinned in here. (ie...the man next to me is spilling over) I hope he's comfy.

With all of that said. Expect to hear more from me very soon!

From 30,000 feet. I'm out.

So Cool

Depth charge detonation.



It's 2:38am. I just got off work and logged onto youtube and stumbled accross this video. I'm not sure why I find it so facinating but I had to share. Enjoy.

It's Time to Vent.

For the sake of saving this poor unfortunate soul a lifetime of embarassment, his name has been withheld and his eyes boxed out. (translation: I found this picture by a quick google image search...the alternative was to take a picture of myself with the shirt collar up. NO MA'AM!)

Ok... I have been holding this back for WAY TO LONG! It is time I speak out.

I was driving North on Sheffield the other day when I noticed a 50+ year old woman on the sidewalk walking her dog. It was a beautiful day and a pleasant sight to see while driving home right? WRONG!!! As I observed this woman closer I noticed she was wearing a pink polo and her COLLAR WAS UP!!!! What the hell was she thinking???

This has been going on way to long. This being the Shirt Collar Crisis (SCC). Being a man in my upper 20's I remember in the 80's when it was "cool" to put your collar up. Notice I put "cool" in quotes as I'm not sure it was really ever cool...but for the sake of this argument let's go with it.

Fads happen...I'll admit I poured buckets and buckets of Clorox bleach over my jeans, I jumped on the Livestrong bracelet (until I nearly lost my arm from it) bandwagon and I even proudly wore a permed mullet. One might think it doesn't get much worse than a permed mullet but I have to disagree. Did we not learn our lesson in the 80's with the shirt collar? How have we let the SCC return? And for so long?

It was a good 3-4 years ago when "the gay's" and metrosexuals started flipping their collars....and then it was EVERYONE. I feel as though I should be blaming Abercrombie and Fitch for this but I'm not one to point fingers. (ok...maybe I am but i'm not going to here...we're the idiot's who bought into their marketing efforts). Anyway, from day one I was angered by the view of the uplifted shirt collar. I really wish I could just ignore it but it sends chimicals of hatred throughout my body.

Let's fast forward a year. The SCC was still in full effect. With a trip to Andersonville I noticed that even the lesbians had jumped on the bandwagon. WHAT?????? Lesbian's don't jump on fashion bandwagon's. The only good thing about this was that the gay boys started putting their collars down when the lesbian's started putting them up. Any good fag know's that lesbian's have no fashion sense.

So now here we are in the final stretches of 2006 and I am still seeing people with their collars up. PLEASE! Do me a favor...if you are reading this post....spread the word....or do what i've done too many times.

1. Approach the victim affected by the SCC with a staight face
2. Politely Put their collar back in the normal collar position
3. And say to them as if they had toilet paper attached to their shoe "You're collar was up"

Trust me.....it works. Ask any of my friends who've witnessed me helping the community. My favorite experience happened in Nashville over Easter weekend Ms. Brost can share that story.

Storms Hit Chicagoland

Ok...so most of you know I have an infatuation with thunderstorms. So it should be no surprise to you that last night was AWESOME. The storm came right as I started dinner so the back window and door were immediately opened so I could keep a close eye on the storm moving in. Fortunately the most exciting part of the storm came in time for me to shut off the kitchen lights and enjoy my dinner in the doorway with the bright sky above me.

While a beautiful picture of lightening in the sky is probably most appropriate for what I just wrote.....that is not what you get. Below is a pic and caption posted on NBC5.com. Forwarded to me by a good friend Doug. We both think it's HYSTERICAL. Hopefully you'll see the humor in it too. Enjoy!



"I got my keys, I'm ready to get into my car, and I'm like, 'Daamn! There's a whole tree on it. I can't move a whole tree,'" he said.

A Good Day...

I feel the need to write and post that today....was a good day.

So Operation Transformation is in full effect. I met Ms. Brost at the Multiplex last week and to my surprise...a lot has changed. I noticed it the moment I walked in. The first thing I had noticed was that smoothie/snack bar in the lobby was different. It looks as though it is in the process of its transformation so I felt comfortable as I made my way up the stairs to the locker room.

As I first walked in I wasn't sure what was different but it had a totally different feel. I felt as though they had ripped up all the carpeting and it was now just bare tile but i'm still not certain. If I were to put money on it, that would be my final answer. I efficently found a locker and got dressed for my work out. On my way out of the locker room I decided to step on the scale that was so conveniently located. It was not good. Following my workout I made my way back to the locker room, stripped to a towel and could not resist stepping back on the scale for a final look on my way to the shower. I had lost 11 pounds since I quit working out. ELEVEN POUNDS!!!! This was when Operation Transformation began. I was down to 154lbs. Today I rang in at 153.5. I'm not cool with that.

Fall seems to be the time of the year when I go through the most change. While the change is always a bit hard for me to cope with....it always seems to work out for the best. I ended up in Nashville, I ended up in Chicago, I'm on my 2nd awesome roomate in Chicago....and I am about to have a 3rd on Monday.

Anyway...the reason for this post is to announce that Operation Transformation is in full effect. I'm taking the next few months to focus on myself. This summer was A TON of fun...but it's time to get serious. I feel i've got a lot of good things a head of me....and i'm going to use this fall to make sure i'm ready.

Along Comes Debbie Downer

So i know it's not very creative to just add video's to my site but with the day that i am having I thought this was only appropriate. This skit makes me so happy! Enjoy! WOW WOW WOW.

So NOT Pretty

Ok...she's so NOT pretty but I can't help adoring this commercial. It makes me think of Tammy T everytime. AWESOME Commercian Nike! Here's to "the pretty girl" getting her ass handed to her in the finals today by Justine!

RAGE Takes 1st Place Again!!!

Wow...what a weekend. Our softball team returned to Milwaukee this weekend to defend our title at the Dairlyland Classic Softball Tournament. This year, however, we played under a different name. Roscoe's RAGE. Thank you Roscoe's for the sponsorship!

We started the tournament very poorly. We actually didn't play so badly, but our record indicated differently. We lost all three of our pool play games, got a poopy seed in the bracket and then to top it all off....lost our first game in the double elimination tournament. For those of you whom have played in a double elimination tournament. Being the first team in the loser's bracket is SO NOT where you want to be. So with Saturday coming to an end....we were 0-4. Can someone give me the Debbie Downer noise please? WOW WOW WOW WOW!!!! Not only that, we had to be back at the fields at 8:15am as our first game was at 9am. WE WERE DETERMINED to win this game. Losing meant being completely eliminated from the tournament by 10am. It'd be similar to Ms. Brost being the first one eliminated from Elimidate. Huge expectations and a huge disappointment.

Fortunately, we turned it on and played our asses off from 9am until just after 5pm. Games are 50 minutes long and each new game was scheduled to start on the hour. So this meant we had just 10 minutes between each game to do the line up, rest and get our heads back into the fight fight fight mentality.

I honestly thought we wouldn't place after the day we had on Saturday. And as the day moved on Sunday and we got closer and closer to bringing home hardware....i slowly began thinking it was really possible for us to win it all. We made it to the championship game along side New York City. However, being in the losers bracket still....we had to beat them not just once...but twice to win it all. Otherwise we were going home with a 2nd place trophy. We dominated the first game winning by quite a margin. The second game was much closer. Fortunately, we had a good inning and were able to maintain the lead to go home with the championship trophy. I must say....EACH AND EVERY PLAYER on our roster had a huge part at making this happen.

Oh yeah...thank you Ed for pitching!!!! GOD I MISS PLAYING SHORT!

Skrimps

Wow. I got lost in blog world for awhile tonight and came accross this picture. I HAD to post it. It made me laugh way to hard.

We've Got Friends in Low Places

United Airlines DC-10 Flight 232 crash

I was just sitting here thinking about the past. With the air and water show taking place right now in Chicago the loud noises i am hearing from all of these planes made me think of the plane that crashed in my hometown. It will be a day I'll never forget. United Airlines DC-10 flight 232 crashed in Sioux City killing 112, but 184 on board survived. The plane lost all hydraulic systems over Iowa, and attempted crash landing. Miraculously, there were more survivals than casualties.

stevegcole.com Turns One!!!

So today is the day. "A Random Collection of Thoughts" has turned One Year Old. I was about to type that "I can't believe it has been a year already" but honestly, it's felt much longer. I was just sitting at David's the other night discussing this very same thing. It seems we are so quick to say that time flies. While i agree with this statement, these less than 3 years i have been in Chicago have gone by very slowly. I feel like Davey and I have been friends for years and years..and that i have lived in Chicago for a decade. I am the luckiest guy in the world to have the friends that I have in Chicago. And to think that making friends was one of the things I worried about most with leaving Nashville. I was terrified I was going to be lost in a city of this size. It's kinda funny to think about in retrospect. I seldom walk down the street without bumping into someone I know. It makes me think I was meant to be here. I have been thinking about that a lot these past few days. My mother booked a flight this week and is coming to visit me in September. I am so excited for her to see my apartment, the city i live in, my nieghborhood and most importantly to see two of the most special people in my life. My sisters. It is very important to me that my mother knows I am happy. She's good at worrying. Isn't that what mom's do best? Fortunately, I feel confident that by just meeting Cook-a-reta and Betty...she will find comfort i knowing that I've got a little family of my own in the city that has been so good to me.

Ach Mein Gott

Leave it to Ian to take me out of my NERVA mood. Jordan & I have just instated the FUITH and MINERVA warning levels using the jacked up state of self defense 'code system' as our guidelines. I was well into code Yellow Minerva and working my way up to Code orange when Ian sent me the video below.....THANK YOU IAN for taking me into GREEN...free of all minervaness.

When Good Concubines Go Bad.

So the title of this entry sounds a little "Girls Gone Wild" but I assure you, it's not. My little concubine Connie moved to Chicago less than a week ago. (First off, thank you Momma for giving him the perfect nickname.) I am SO happy to have him back in town. I spent nearly every summer Sunday with James last year and am looking forward to doing it again this summer. Ah the memories.

So back to the concubine going bad. James and I had so much fun on Sunday that we decided to continue the fun into Monday. I had the day off so he and I went and played 3 sets of tennis. aka Connie went wrong. BAD CONCUBINE. She whooped my ass in tennis 6-2, 6-2, 6-0. (I blame the hot guy two courts down for the 6-0 set...where's my ridalin when I need it?)

We are off to play again tomorrow morning at 10am...assuming the rain holds off. He's one heck of a player...i look forward to him running my ass back and forth. I have a league match on Friday so this will be good practice for me.

It's bedtime.

Lillian Fontainne & Lady Lychee Present....

Latest Video Posted

I can't believe I'm posting this. I may even decide to remove it after a few days. Ms. Brost and I caught our infamous act on tape...enjoy while you can! Click the image above this post to view the movie.

Norma Jean & Nair

You know you have good friends when they plan an evil plot against you, and then forewarn you of their strategy. I got a phone call from Tammy Delusian this morning to inform me of his evil plan. He told me the next time he, Ms. Brost & I go out...they are going to slip a couple of Norma Jean's in my drink (aka Ambien) and then NAIR one of my eyebrows out.

I honestly was a little scared by the tone of Tammy's voice. She was WAY TOO EXCITED about this. I could not help but bust into laughter...it was too funny!

(please read this next bit sentence as if you had carrie bradshaw's narrator voice) So that made me wonder...What would I look like with a missing eyebrow?)

Thank you photoshop for allowing me to see this HORRIFIC sight.

Tammy & Ms. Brost.....I would do EVIL EVIL things if this "were" to ever happen!!!!!! FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!!!!

Love,
Steve

It's 3 am I must be lonely.

"she says baby
it’s 3 am I must be lonely
when she says baby
well I can’t help but be scared of it all sometimes
says the rain’s gonna wash away I believe it"

So it's 3am and I just got home from work. I am still a bit wired as I had a pretty busy night. I was just sitting out on the back deck watching the rain fall lightly and the lyrics to matchbox 20 entered my head.

I have two softball games in the morning. We play Buck U's and Crew Crush. Afterwards I think we are going to head up to Andersonville for the Midsommer Fest. Here's to looking forward to a good Sunday.

And Monday you ask??? Gay Great America!!!! WATCH OUT!!!

What the HELL is a Hoosier?

So I was chatting with a friend online today, whom we will from now on Call HoosierManKnx, and we got on the topic of sports. While we agreed on one team, the Volunteers, we didn’t really have much else to go with as far as supporting each other’s teams. All was good until HoosierManKnx dissed the Cubs.

This led me to the question in which I’ve asked many many IU fans over the years. While I was on edge a bit with HoosierManKnx’s blow to the cubs…I will be forever greatful for his response to my question.

HoosierManKnx first responded with….”Are you sure you want me to tell you the two stories?” I begged him….i have long been awaiting this answer…I had learned what a Sooner was….and FINALLY…after years of mystery…I have learned what Hoosier is…and it COULD NOT BE BETTER!!!! Now I know why Hoosier fans always “claim they don’t know”

Story #1
< HoosierManKnx > the original settlers of indiana came up through kentucky, settled southern indiana, and of course had a hillbilly drawl
< HoosierManKnx> and they all used to live in log cabins, like miles away from their neighbors
< HoosierManKnx so, when someone knocked at the cabin door, they kentuckians used to say "who's there"...which in their accent sounded like "who's ere"
< HoosierManKnx which became Hoosier

Story #2
back in the pioneer days, people used to be a little rough, you know
< HoosierManKnx and they'd get into fights and whatnot
< HoosierManKnx > well, legend has it that someone pulled out a knife in the heat of the moment, cut off someone's ear...but in the melee, nobody knew who's ear it was
< HoosierManKnx > so, again, in southern indiana speak, it became "who's ear"
< HoosierManKnx> Hoosier