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From 30k Feet

OK, It has been months since my last blog entry. I'll just be straight forward. I wasn't feeling it. And I'm still not certain I am. But here goes nothing. I am sitting on SouthWest flight at about 30,000 feet overlooking the Rockies. I just finally opened my eyes after trying to sleep for the last 2 and a half hours. Yes, trying. I feel asleep hard and FAST. Those are two words that often times go well together...when referring to sleep, they are wonderful. It isn't often I am able to fall asleep so quickly. But having only 2.5 hours of sleep last night I was a goner. Unfortunately, I was unaware at how quickly I'd knock out and ordered an Orange Juice with the stewardess walked by 5 minutes earlier. The gentleman sitting to my left, was kind enough to wake me from my slumber. Needless to say, I never really feel back into a good stage of sleep.

Let's back up a bit....to this cattle-call they refer to as SouthWest Airlines. Is the 3 group boarding thing really a more effective way for them to board their aircrafts? I learned a little trick after bitching to one of my customers a few months back. And the trick with southwest is.....ALWAYS CHECK IN ONLY EXACTLY 24 HOURS IN ADVANCE TO YOUR FLIGHT. This will assure you a boarding pass A. Boarding Pass A I can handle. I'll sit back and wait for everyone in that boarding group to herd through the gate....and then i leisurely make my way past all of the pour souls in B, find my seat and go into ignore mode. (There is nothing worse than having to talk to the person you're sitting next to.)

Now lets discuss my comfort level right now. On a Scale from 1 to Uncomfortable I'm easily at an 8. I am not sure how I'm going to last on my trip to Brasil. I believe a blue bippity (an advanced Norma Jean) and a few cocktails will have to be induced to help me sleep the majority of the trip away. I can't talk about the person sitting next to me as I feel he can see my screen. But Minerva. A nice guy I can tell....but again...MINERVA. I didn't notice until after I fastened my seatbelt....but i've got an extremely young asian girl sitting directly in front of me. This should have been observed as I eyed my seat but I was just excited about the window seat and didn't observe my surroundings. Miraculously, this is the most well behaved child on the face of the planet. GOD BLESS THE ASIAN CULTURE FOR RAISING WELL BEHAVED CHILDREN!!!! And damn God for infecting the woman behind me with a severe case of the whopping cough. I swear she's leaning forward and coughing directly in my ear. "Why don't you just PEE directly on my FACE??" Thank God for iTunes. I have been cranking music ever since her 2nd attack. Lastly, I chose to wore the most uncomfortable pear of blue jeans possible. My underwear are shoved so far up my ass that I'm about to choke on them. I have a 3rd degree burn from the severe chaffing going on in the genital region. I'd stand up and pull them out of my ass but i'm sorta pinned in here. (ie...the man next to me is spilling over) I hope he's comfy.

With all of that said. Expect to hear more from me very soon!

From 30,000 feet. I'm out.

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