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Increase sperm production 500 percent???

A few months ago I finally broke down and got a spam blocker for my work email. It was getting ridiculous the amount of SPAM I was receiving. On occasion I will still get a SPAM email or two. Last week was the winner!

Subject: Increase sperm production 500%

SPUR-M Formula

Shoot five times your load and have longer more satisfying orgasms.

Complete satisfaction fully guaranteed by the industry leader - it is a money-
back guarantee that has never been needed by any of our million customers!

This is what the world's top porn stars use for their huge effects!

Ok....I'm sorry...did I read this correctly? "Shoot five times your load???" What the fuck??? I can understand the desire to have a longer and more satisfying orgasm, but to increase my load by 500 percent is just alarming and disgusting. I can't help visualize what this would look like.

I am proud to say that I have no idea what the average man shoots per ejaculation but I can't imagine it being much more than one tablespoon. So for sake of the rest of this topic....let's go with one tablespoon.

This means that after taking SPRU-M Formula...a man who shoots one tablespoon should increase his load size to 5 tablespoons. At first this didn't seem so disgusting to me...until I brought it up with a buddy of mine. He said and I quote..."how many tablespoons are in a stick of butter?" There are 8. Can you picture it??? Remove three table spoons and we've got 5 table spoons of ejaculate.

I will never look at a stick of butter the same.


Jordan said...

I cannot believe its not butter...Its Cottage Cheese!

I love Cum stories. They're like ass holes - everyone has one and most of them stink.

Whats that you say? You'd like me to tell a story? Ooooh, now..... I
don't know if I could....... oh okay - since you asked...

Its no mystery - what you put in your body - comes out eventually, in
some sort or fashion, and sometimes in the most unusual ways....

I had this friend, and he was very involved in the muscle building
arena. At his high point (or low point - whichever way you want to look at it), he was consuming WAY to much crap (protein, supplements, pills, etc). Well one day, push came to pull, and our clothes came off...
whoops.... Bow-chica-wow-wow

[..Insert your hottest sex story here...]

... He was lying on his back and then he said "I'm going to cum". One
second later he said "Ohhh god, it hurts" (keep in mind, I wasn't
really touching him at this point - "he was driving", I was observing
from the passengers seat - laying next to him). I didn't know what to
do... what DO you do? Ask whats wrong? Offer a band-aid? Advil? I mean really... we just had a HOT make-out session and all of a sudden he's in agony! I choose to observe...

What I saw next I will NEVER forget. He lay there, continuing to power
through the pain, stroking his huge cock, and moaning loudly (not sure
if it was a pain-full moan or a pleasureful moan). Then it happened - the unthinkable.... As he began to cum, it was very apparent that
something was not right. I closed my eyes for a second, as the site was
unbearable. When I opened them again, it looked like someone had taken a quart of cottage cheese and splattered it all over his chest, stomach and yes.... my face.

My first reaction, as would anyone normal at this point, was to scoot a
way every so slightly, to avoid any further cottage cheese hitting my
face. Then, panic came over me "What is this stuff?" Oddly enough, I
grabbed the club that was attached to my chin/right cheek, pulled it
away in a forceful motion and threw it on his chest. With my clean hand
I felt my face - where it previously had been - much to my surprise
there was not a trace left. This foreign matter, which was produced
from his cock, was so thick, you could form it.

[..fasting forward through a few awkward comments...]

Then I grabbed a towel. Wiping it up was pointless - it wasn't liquid. I
picked it up and put it into the towel... The towel went right in the
washer........except I forgot to turn it on.

4 days later - it was laundry day. I opened up the washer to put my
clothes in there and was immediately over whelmed with a horrible stank
smell. Not just any smell - it smelled like the cottage cheese had
rotten, grown mold and manifested maggots. After regaining conciseness
- I turned the washer on 'SUPER HOT' and EXTRA DIRTY.

Needless to say, I didn't speak to cottage cheese boy anymore... What
was wrong with him? Maybe he was an alien? Or Maybe........just
maybe... he was an avid customer of the SPUR-M formula.

NoteWorthyIMs said...

That's just tacky... just tacky.