Super Size Me

So I just finished watching the movie SUPER SIZE ME. Wow. I had heard all the hype when it was released but never got around to seeing it, that is until tonight. I'm disgusted. I couldn't have watched the movie at a more perfect time. I've been in a bit of a funk lately, as you may have noticed from the lack of blog entries. And with this "funk", came plenty of fast food. I'm not sure if it was the ease and laziness of picking up fast food or the cheapness and lack of money i've had these past few months that have led me back into the trap of fast food but after watching SUPER SIZE ME... It's about to dramatically come to a halt.

I am very fortunate as for the most part, I eat whatever I want. I would consider myself to be under the average weight for a man of my age and height. For this, I should be thankful. But we can't help but notice our every. I hate the gut I've acquired. It's probably something I'm pretty much destined to always have with me. It's just the way my body is designed. I have gotten myself back into the habit of the gym for the most part this year, but have continued to eat like crap. While I am happy to be the heaviest I've ever been in my life (164lbs), I still dislike the way my body looks. It's time I do something about it. Not just with fast food, but with all of my food in general. I'm lazy. And when you are lazy...it's easy to eat crap. So here’s to being more away of what I stuff down my throat. (I’m still talking about food here.) ;)

So with that said, I am setting a goal. You read it here. If you see me eating the foods below from now through the month of April. PLEASE CALL ME OUT!!! Summer is right around the corner.

#1 - McDonalds (even after a severe hangover)
#2 - A Toffee Almond Bar from Starbucks. (This is going to be tough...but I can manage as long as I still get my coffee)

Let's start out slow. This is going to be a tough one. DAMN I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS MORNING'S TOFFEE ALMOND BAR WAS THE LAST!!!

Harry Potter and the Brokeback Goblet

Broke MAC Mountain

Feliz Aniversário

Need I say more?

Long Overdue

Where do I begin? It’s been way to long since my last posting. I’m not sure what happened. I guess I just fell out of habit. There have been many times when I said “self, you need to include that in your blog” only to let time and the idea slip away. Here I am. Ready to write…with nothing to say. Kinda figures eh?

I am currently sitting on the floor in the international terminal of the o’hare airport waiting for my flight to board. It’s 4:57pm. My flight was supposed to take off at 5:05pm. The board currently reads U5 602 5:45PM St. Petersburg At 5:45p. Kinda makes it look like it’s a 5:45PM flight that is ON TIME. Not so much. But I’m not bitter. Ok, maybe just a little.

For some reason, my mood has plummeted since boarding the train for O’Hare. Perhaps it’s the DARK DARK skies and the massive amounts of wetness. I know what you are thinking….Steve is complaining about something being DARK DARK and WET? And yes….you are right. This is a first.

But I am slowly turning my frown up-side-down. J I’ve got my ipod jammin’ some Ana Carolina in my ears. I have no idea what she is saying as it’s in Portuguese but it’s soothing none-the-less.

I am concerned. This is officially going down as the most boring blog entry yet.

THIS WEEKEND: I am headed to Tampa Bay for a softball tournament. Ms. Brost and I are playing with the Philadelphia Woodys yet again. An amazing weekend is ahead of us. First the first time ever…the forecast calls for SUNNY SKIES!!!! I am still in disbelieve…especially since it’s thunder storming in the skies I see….and apparently the water is turning to ice on the ground. That 80-degree weather couldn’t sound any more appealing. I think this calls for a Tammy style “Da-LISH.”

Oh yeah….And who wants to know why my sleeve has been rolled up? I somehow managed to jack up my arm/shoulder/triceps a few weeks ago….and JUST IN TIME for the softball tournament. Oh yeah…it’s my throwing arm baby! It’s going to make those throws from short to first awfully fun. I’m not quite sure how paintful it’s really going to be as I’ve been resting my arm in hopes of it being back to normal by this weekend. Normal is not going to happen. But I “think” I should be able to play.

Anyway, in addition to the ice, heat and medication….i have been using this stuff called Tiger Balm. If you haven’t heard of it….think of Ben Gay….and multiply the feeling you get when you use that by 756,000. That is Tiger Balm. It’s quite helpful on the pain relief. But has an incredibly potent scent and stains your clothing. So for the last week or so I’ve had my sleeve rolled up at work. Some thought I was sportin’ a new look, some thought I was showing off my slightly larger muscles and others didn’t think anything differently….just a simple “he’s crazy.”

Eu sou muito louco.

Creative Lunch

Ok...so I was feeling like being creative at lunch today so I put together this little slideshow. i think one thing came out of this.....there will be more to come! I wish I could have spent more time on this one.

The photo's are in no particular order.....just a little clip of my last couple of months.

Enjoy!

I Love Kite Flyers!!!!

CRIBS - Chicago

Ian & Steve decide to shoot a random film on a moment's notice! Good times!!! Welcome to Steve's CRIB.

Click on the image to view the film!!!

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It's a Small World

First off. I'd like to announce that this is a double de-virginizing entry for me. (I know what your thinking....there aren't many things left that will de-virginize steve) but it's true. This is my first blog entry made from 30,000 feet, as well as my first entry composed entirely on my crackberry....u can thank Ms. Gina for that one. And if you could see who was sitting next to me on this plane....you'd know there are a few other "firsts" I'd like to try. DA-LISH. (Mom, if you are reading this...this would be one of 6548927 reasons why you don’t want to continue reading this site.

So I can't stop thinking about how small of a world it is. No matter where I go, I always bump into people I know when I travel. Some of you may already know that I had to hop an emergency flight home causing me to arrive at midway by 550am the day before I was supposed to fly home. Caffeine-free I was not in the best mood for flying the friendly skies. Midway could have sucked my friendly sky for all I cared...nobody deserves to fly southwest at 6 in the morning without an ounce of coffee. Nobody deserves to fly southwest during xmas period.

Where was I? Oh yea....so never in my right mind did I expect to see 3 friends aboard my flight to Omaha Nebraska. Last time I saw one of these guys at 6am we were still out dancing!

So I an sitting in the floor waiting for the horrific cattle call of a boarding sw has so kindly gotten me used to (yes, I was on the floor) when I noticed a guy I recognized in front of me. To make a long boring story short....it is the guy who introduced Ms. Brost to her former bf of 5 years. During our talk to girl next to me chimes in to tell me she lives 5 houses north of me and is also from my hometown, Sioux City, Iowa.

I could tell story after story but my all time favorite is this....

I am at the airport in NYC for work with 2 work colleagues. We are picking up our bags from luggage claim and getting ready to grab a cab to Manhattan when a limo driver walks up and offers to take is to the city in style. While this sounds great I notice signs on the wall that say not to do this so I try to weasel our way out of it....the next thing I know I am sitting in a limo with 2 work buddies, and a family of 3. One of my colleagues thinks the young boy with his parents is cute and starts to stare. I smack his leg and remind him that this boy is with his parents. After a few more reminder smacks he stops staring.

As we are going over the bridge into the city I look up to notice the boy staring at me. For fucks sake, I thought. I ignore the stare but of course look again after a few minutes pass to see if he is still looking. At this point the boy says, "is your name steve?". I am baffled and cautiously reply..."Yes". At this point the boy flips over his sidekick phone to reveal a black and white picture of me on his phone.

I swear to god time stopped for at least 30 seconds. Me and both of my friends jaws dropped to the bottom of the limo. The boy then said in a chipper voice "you're my friendster!!!". I still had no clue. ..I was positive I had never met this kid before....finally it clicked. "Ian?" I asked. YES!

I indeed had never met this kid in my life...here is how I became Ians friendster....I moved to Chicago and knew very few people....about the same time Jordan moved to LA and began dating this guy named Eric....well Eric had a friend in Chicago and told Jordan to tell me to IM this guy....uhhhh random party of one? I added Ian to my buddy list and after a week or two finally said hello. Yes it was awkward but Ian is an extremely laid back guy who probably thought nothing of it. He invited me to join friendster and we kept talking about how one day we should hang out.....probably 6 months later we met, in the limo in NYC. Who knew he'd be so quick to introduce me to his parents.

So it is a small world, after all!

Mary Crotchmas!!!

Wishing you a Mary Crotchmas and a Happy New Year!

Hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday season!

I-O-W-A Iowa all the way!!!

I - O - W -A Iowa All the Way!!!! What the @#$& does that mean??? One of the random songs I learned as a child and can't seem to forget. The sad thing??? That is only the first line of the song....I know the rest...and the sign language to go with it.

So yeah....greetings from Iowa. Home of....well...ME! I am not sure what else is actually FROM FROM here besides Sioux Bee Honey, which I'm not sure I've ever had.

As I'm feeling not so fun and creative tonight.....instead of reading my babble....i will supply you with some not-so-fun facts on Iowa. GET OVER IT!!! At least you didn't have to live here for 18 years!

---Iowa became the 29th state on December 28, 1846.

---Capital City: Des Moines

---Nickname: The Hawkeye State (It sure beats Illinois....the Bottom state. We could have been less fortunate and been named the Browneye state.)

---Iowa Quarter: Nation’s Only Education Quarter (This wins most boring fact of the year award!!!)

---State Flower: Wild Rose

---State Bird: Eastern Goldfinch

---State Tree: Oak

---State Rock: Geode (Is that crackrock because I had to sign a waiver just to purchase a 10pk of Claritin D???)

---State Car: This is not official but I will dub thee as the 13 year old Rose Colored Cadillac I'm driving around town. HOT!!!

Jordan Does Chicago

I am very excited to have been asked by Steve to write a guest blog entry. Thank you!!!! What better place to write this lovely entry than from 30,000 feet in the air somewhere between Chicago and Orange County with the Pussycat Dolls song "Don't Cha" playing proudly from my iPod-superior-portable-music-device. Oooops! I need to be careful, my husband has a very successful business selling iPod's and related products. (I'll elaborate on this more in a minute).

Wow! What an amazing 4 days! They went by sooooo quick! Probably because we were sober only about 1/6th of the time - whooops'a'daisey!!
My 97 hours in Chicago was filled with a little sight seeing, pie hole, bar hopping, Brazilians, a little shopping, Brazilians, Coffee hour at the CruzzieBou, dancing at Charlies (that brought back all too many CH memories), welcoming another to the CrackBerry clan, Brazilians, meals at 5am at Melrose Cafe (where a thrown butter packet almost caused the Queer Civil War), Brazilians, Movie Theater (Bareback mountain: 2 out of 5 stars), Brazilians, Bowling league, and pitchers of fluid from Roscoes that didn't taste like they contained booze (side note - they do... I have pictures to prove it)..... If anyone out there in blog land is sleeping, wake up. The next sentence is important: BRAZILIANS RULE!!!!!!! Quenda Mona in the picture above! That was taken at Roscoes during our Long Island incident. I call it an incident because the Roscoes experience concluded with me ball-room dancing with Fabiano on the dance floor. Bless his heart for playing along, I'm sure he was like "what is this crazy Californian making me do?" Also his roommate Marcio and I were married shortly after....on the street, in front of a wedding gown in a shop window. Classy eh? Odd how the party and dance came before the wedding ceremony. Wait a minute....Maybe that is what we (The Gays) have to do in order for The Straights to be comfortable with the marriage issue. Reverse the ceremony and party? Why not? It makes sense to me.... WRITE YOUR CONGRESS REPRESENTATIVE! But all in all, the Brazilians really made my Chicago trip amazing: Fabiano, Marcio my husband, Diego, Sweet Marcio (yes there are two - isn't that Delish?!?!) and all the other Brazilians I met and cannot remember your name because too much booze causes short term memory loss.



Also of importance was the Turkish and Armeanian dispute talks which were held on 12/18/05 at an Irish Pub mediated by non-other than her honor Steve Cole. David and I came to the conclusion that Turks and Armenians can indeed live in harmony regardless of the crud acts many many eons ago. As a jester of kindness, David has agreed to allow the bowling team "Spare Me" resume utilization of the term "Turkey" when an individual obtains three strikes in a row. Thanks David, I'm glad others beside Turks and Armenians are able to benefit from this union.

Lastly, I want to personally thank Miss Brost for becoming un-overwhelemed on Tuesday evening and spending some time with me. Even though I think she was there more to resume her fabulous bowling than see me, we enjoyed each other's company. For Christmas I am going to present her with a book "How Homos Dress". Yes I know it was sub zero and she was layered, but she walked out of her house wearing Blue Jeans ticked in to a white t-shirt with (...gulp...) no belt. At first, this horrible fauxpa was not evident, but as she begin to perspire as a result of her she-woman like bowling skills, she shed her outer layers and the shocking truth was revealed. Her beautiful eyes could only distract me for a few seconds (side note: they truly are amazing....slurp) Me, being the kind person I am, pulled her aside and loaned her my brown leather belt (which I may add matched my Brown leather shoes perfectly). This was a temporary fix to a very tragic scenario. All of us were content with !
the solution - including Bradford. Mike (of the Mike and Ryan duo) witnessed this transformation and felt the need to correct me, as he felt my brown leather belt didn't match my black shirt. Oh well...Mike, I'm guilty as charged (pardon the pun), but at the end of the day, leather is leather...... Right Ryan?

Thanks again everyone, I cannot wait until next time!!!!!! And remember, when things get rough think to yourself "Es' Okay.... Es' okaaaaay!!!!!" [Blink + Smooch].

~Jordan

Pack yer bags!!!

I am feeling like a little girl on Christmas morning. I would say the countdown has begun but it DONE BEGAN days ago. Aunt QUENDA is coming to town in just over 18 hours!!!!!!! WATCH OUT CHICAGO, it’s going to be a wild and crazy weekend! Can someone put and APB out to the strippers at Madrigals and Cocktail? Jordan will be here in no time!

Let it Snow, let it snow, let it snow!

We got our first big snow of the year on Thursday and I had no clue it was coming. I went to lunch around 1 that day and the sky was clear and sunny. By the time I got back to the office it had started to flurry. Unfortunately, I work down in a dungeon with no windows. Ok, there are a few windows but it's that REALLY thick glass that you can only see shawdows through. Not so helpful on seeing the snow fall. When I got back to my desk I made a quick visit to weather.com to see what the radar looked like. It showed a snow storm headed directly our way. However, it said it was only going to drop 1-3 inches. These were CERTAINLY NOT AOL INCHES!!!! 3 Hours later there appeared to be a good 5 inches on the ground and it was still coming down HEAVY. I went back to my office and continued to work as I knew traffic was going to be a nightmare. I was correct. I left around 6 and got home around 7. THANK GOD I'm not AB...it took her 4 hours to get home....NO WAY!!!! I live two miles from work. I was thankful for having the wrangler but wished everyone else in the city was also equipped with 4WD. Not so much. I think total snow fall at midway was 11-inches and a plane off the runway.....and more like 8 in my hood.

Anyway, the night turned out to be quite fun. Fabiano, Marcio and I went to Roscoe's to have a couple of pitchers and then made a long walk up to IHOP for a little breakfast. GOOD TIMES HAD BY ALL!!! There is something so awesome about the first big snow of the year.

Wicked - Front Row

So my buddy Tom came to visit me this past weekend from Philly. He could not have picked a colder weekend to visit. Can I get a MINERVA? Basically.

With it being so cold outside we were limited in things to do. "Limited?" How ironic now that I think of it. Fortunately, Tom did his research prior to his arrival and learned that a couple of hours before every performance of Wicked they action off 20 seats in the front row for $25 bucks. Tom informed me over dinner on Saturday night that we were going to be taking a trip downtown in the morning to put our name into the Witches hat.

He is one lucky bitch!!! They drew 10 names. Tom was #8 for two tickets. Me? Not so lucky...but I was with the lucky bitch!!! ;) When we going to Vegas Tommy?

A Perfect 10???

Click on the image to find out for yourself!!!

Personally, I think she's Olympic bound....

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Tom Cruise Kills Oprah!!!!

A friend of mine sent me this link about a week ago and I find myself going back to it over and over. It's hysterical. We love the Oprah but it was time for her to go.

Follow this link to see Tom Cruise kill Oprah.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-5473358668974999495&q=oprah+cruise

We're not gonna pay RENT!!!!

Wow...

First off, my apologies for the delay since my last post. My excuse??? I was super busy and super sick. I will say, however, it's kinda cool to know there are people out there that are actually visiting my site on a regular basis. I got comments from "honey please, I'm losing interest" to "If I have to look at that snaggletooth picture one more time....i'm never going to come back to your site."

So the picture posted above is of my sister and I at the RENT Premiere in NYC. Generally when posting a picture on my site I go through a brief review process...and then post. Rule #752b.ii states that, "If one other than I looks prettier the picture cannot be posted, unless of course the one is a) my boyfriend b) a celebrity or c) Ivey (the bitch always looks prettier than I" So after review of this picture...I was forced to push it aside and search for a "better" one. While there were other pictures of Aaron and I at the cast party....I was forced to veto Rule #752.ii and let this picture be published. There is not much you can do when a girl looks good. (Side note to AB: Don't say I don't ever do anything for you....and yes gentleman....she's newly single)

If you take one things out of this post.....let it be this. GO SEE RENT THE MOVIE!!!!!!! It is FUCKING AMAZING!!!! I admit: I am very biased as I've worship the show since I saw the original broadway cast perform it in 1997. However, even had I never seen the show before....I would have been deeply moved the performance of the entire cast and the many messages that this story tells. I plan on returning to the theater many times to see it over and over. And yes...I will own a copy of the DVD the day it is released.

Today was a good day. I was fortunate enough to have the "day off". I put "day off" in quotes as I was at Starbucks at 930am working on a Marketing Plan....and I'm about to be late for my night shift at XO. But even so...today was great. I finished up at Starbucks around 1130am and went and picked up my former roommate Rich at his hotel. He was in town for work and is now at O'Hare getting ready to board a flight to London. BITCH!!!! After lunch, I picked up Fabiano and Marcio and went to a Brazilian store in the city. I tried Guarana, the Brazilian Original for the first time today. What are my thoughts you ask? DA-LISH!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!!! God hates me this year and has punished me to a 12 hour shift at XO on thanksgiving day. Yes, that means I will miss the opportunity to have thanksgiving lunch and dinner with my friends. I had plans to do Thanksgiving at the FAB's tomorrow but unfortunately work got in the way. Luckily my roommate Tommy is going to take my place, I swear I'm not bitter. ;) Hopefully I can get out of the XO at a decent hour so I can join the boys in festivities.

And yes....I do like pink. And quite frankly, I think it likes me too!

Snaggletooth for a Day!

So last night was fun…I was sitting in the kitchen studying Portuguese when I looked down at my thumb and noticed a piece of skin hanging. Yes, this is disgusting…but as a fingernail biter I, without even thinking, gnawed the piece of skin off and began chewing on it. As I’m chewing I suddenly bit down and….”CRUNCH”. What the @#$*??? So what do I do? I spit the material in my mouth out into my hand and observe….

This observation of mine is far from scientific. I easily recognize and label the first bit of material as “the piece of tattered skin from my thumb” and push it aside. I then move on to material B…which I quickly labeled in my head as….”Unidentifiable Material.” It is in a perfectly square piece and looks like an oversized piece of salt. With that thought, I labeled Unidentifiable Material B…as “Oversized Salt Cube.” (Had this observation been even remotely scientific, “Oversized Salt Cube” would have been immediately ruled out as I had not an ounce of salt flavor in my mouth…and we all know that salt…tastes like…well….salt. So I lifted the cube with my left hand pointer finger…and used my right hand to flick the cube across the room. (You may be wondering why I was being so dramatic….because I’m now wondering the same thing.) I remember hearing the cube hit the floor with much more noise than a piece of salt would have made and didn’t think twice about it….back to Portuguese I went.

As I shifted my focus back to studying I rubbed my tongue across my front bottom teeth. *pause* WTF????? It all came together in a flash…..MY TOOTH!!!!

I flew out of my seat and ran to the bathroom to see the damage. I was now missing a fairly large piece of my front bottom tooth. Nooooooo!!! Usually in a situation like this I’d turn to the bottle…but instead….I got on my hands and knees and started searching for “the cube.” For some odd reason….in a matter of seconds… I had determined that finding the tooth and preserving it for the dentist was what I needed to do. WAS I HIGH???? After crawling around the floor for 10 minutes I came to the conclusion that I was SOL and I needed to move on….cubeless.

To conclude….(If I don’t start this paragraph with to conclude I’m going to ramble on for another 5 paragraphs….you would hear about my tears over Steel Magnolias, lunch with Fabiano and the trip to the Apple store….be thankful) Fortunately, I was able to get into the dentist today and I now have a normal looking tooth again. And I’m only down $180 bucks. Just exactly what I wanted to spend my money on.

I want it the YAB way....

This just put me in the BEST mood. I wish I could post the video but I can't so you'll have to copy and paste this link.....TRUST ME...it's worth it.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6739710473912337648

Shout out: "Thank you Ditty!!!"